One thing I hear from clients is the excuse that what the other person did was in fact wrong! Like quicksand, they sink into the belief that there is a right and a wrong and that forgiveness should only be given to someone who is “deserving!”
I remember sitting in front of the TV watching Oprah and getting really pissed off when someone would say they forgave a murderer, rapist, abuser. I could feel my blood boil! How can they let them off like that! That’s not fair. YOU need to stay mad at them…punish them…make them suffer!
But here is the truth, they knew something I did not know. They knew that staying in the place of unforgiveness, anger, hurt, bitterness caused more harm and pain to them! Holding onto that pain was literally destroying them inside! While I concentrated on the other person’s guilt (remember I was an attorney!), they were able to rally around their own self care.
Now I get it!