Oh boy…the pain is so real going through a divorce. Especially when you really do NOT want the divorce. How do you forgive and let go? How do you move on? How do you stop feeling anger?

Here are 5 steps that I think are critically important in moving on:

1. Take a self-assessment survey. By this I mean look at your marriage from an objective standpoint. Were you really happy? Was it what you really dreamed of the day you said “I do?” Are you the person you wanted to be by this time in your life?

2. Move from blaming to taking more personal responsibility for your piece. I’m not talking about “blame and shame” but more about where did you miss the mark and how could you have done better?

3. Forgive yourself and everyone involved. Now, this is a longer process for many people, and yes, you might need the help of an expert…hey, I know one I can recommend…haha. It’s tough to forgive your ex, but even tougher often to forgive yourself. I know it was hard for me, I was filled with “I should have known” and “why didn’t I listen to myself, my family, my friends….”

4. Re-define your life – what are YOUR dreams and goals and start focusing on them. Be creative and figure out what you need to do and be to really step out there and be your best self. Do you know your values and what is most important in your life? This is critical to future happiness.

5. Practice gratitude for all you do have. It’s easy to get caught up in the “poor me/victim role.” See what is happening right now in your life as a blessing. Know that you are ok right now in the moment. Don’t try to make it something it isn’t, just accept what is. There is great inner peace in acceptance of your current situation.

I know this is not easy, it take courage to see things from a different perspective. If you need help, of course I’m here to help you. If you would like 1 on 1 coaching, or to take the Divorce Coaching and Forgiveness monthly class, or just order the Transcending Divorce or Forgiveness books…there are many ways to help yourself. Just ask and take some action…surely you will come to the conclusion too that divorce really is a gift!